Misfortune increases vulnerability to further misfortune

Sad to say, but when one bad thing happens to a family, their vulnerability to more bad events increases. For example, when a parent is ill and cannot work, a teen child takes up some of the slack, getting a part-time job which interferes with sleep and school. Then the child's grades drop. With a reduced income and increased medical bills, the family can no longer pay their mortgage and must seek other housing. The teen gives up on school and drops out to work more hours. This is but one example of how one stressful event can be compounded.

I, like so many people, led a charmed life until I was about 40 years old. While sympathetic, I did not fully understand the plight of homeless families or of people with severe and chronic illnesses or
developmental disabilities. I also did not understand how close we all are to financial disaster even if we are highly educated, earn decent incomes, achieve in our employment, and set aside savings.

When I was 41 years old I was diagnosed with Stage III breast cancer. My children were one and four years old. As soon as the chemo and radiation had ended, my husband, who had always been anxious, began a gradual descent into clinical anxiety, OCD, and depression. He was fired, so then we had no income and health insurance. I went to work, but we exhausted a large portion of our IRA savings paying for health insurance and living expenses until we could sort everything out. By that time we knew my husband had ADHD and Type 2 bipolar disorder and one of our children had been hospitalized several times for a severe mood disorder, separation anxiety, and severe ADHD. Fortunately we had taken out disability insurance on my husband several years prior to this, and that helped us get through the time it took to win a Social Security Disability appeal. Otherwise, we might well have become homeless.

In retrospect, fighting the cancer was a blessing as it educated me about dealing with the health care system and the health insurance system. I was able to win several appeals for my family and help my husband qualify for disability and reinstatement of his union benefits which he had earned over 23 years of outstanding service. Cancer was rough, but mental illness was even rougher in that there is a stigma, especially if the ill one is a child, there is little understanding and support, and it is more expensive to treat because health insurance coverage is limited. Yet these illnesses are potentially lethal and incurable.

We were fortunate to have retirement savings to tap into. We kept our house. We got effective treatment from an outstanding psychiatrist, and our (union) insurance covered the medications, which at one time exceeded $1,500 per month. Our children grew up and thrived. My husband and I had a satisfying marriage, but sadly I lost him three years ago when he was only 55 years old from a pulmonary embolism. He was an outstanding father. Our children, now grown, are doing well. I work full-time at a rewarding job.

We could not have made it without the knowledge and support that came from NAMI – the National Alliance on Mental Illness, an organization that is a Godsend for families like mine. If you ever need a charity to donate to, I recommend you donate to NAMI. I wish I were wealthy so I could donate millions.

The reason I wrote this blog post is that suddenly mainstream politicians and a major political party are questioning the social safety-net. Suddenly, families that need help or people who are chronically ill are portrayed as a burden to the rest of us. I want to think that most people know that anyone can be unlucky and that one's world can fall apart overnight. (Even the super-wealthy are vulnerable to accidents, illness and death!) We can do our best to prepare for misfortune, but sometimes our preparations are inadequate.

This wonderful nation, which has helped the unlucky and regulated predatory businesses since the time of Theodore Roosevelt, suddenly is blaming families who are in trouble and sick or elderly (or even pregnant rape victims). A large part of the electorate evidently sees little or no role for government in alleviating suffering. This is shocking and disgusting to me. I'd like to wake up and find that it was just a nightmare.

Please comment on this post. I would like to know readers' experiences with similar situations.

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